Reflections

I sit here on the eve of NYE, and I reflect on the past year. This year has been the hardest, yet most rewarding year in our marriage and parenting. Financially things have been a mess, but I can finally say, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and we are doing great now. The kids have grown so much, learn even more and started new adventures. This year will mark the first year I became a parent of a school age child, and boy it hurts still. I miss her when she is at school, I dread dropping her off, but I love love love that she is so happy at school. She loves learning and meeting new people and she really enjoys her class. Colin has come so far this year as well, completely potty trained, talking in ways I never thought he would, becoming a little man. Our marriage, through all the tests this year, is still amazing. It's pretty cool to watch us grow together and become one more then ever. It sounds crazy, but I really do think we have a different kind of love then most people. We still have fun, laugh, cry, joke, argue and every night we say "I Love You" and go to bed happy as ever. I knwo everyone thinks that.

This year is ending on a positive note, literally. With this new little baby growing inside me, it makes things totally different. We had our ultrasound and it was more amazing then I remember with the first two. The heard beat was so strong and clear, it was perfect. We are measuring right at 8 weeks (as of Wednesday), so my due date is officially August 8, 2012. Wow, I can't wait!

Bucket of nerves!

Not sure why I am so nervous about our ultrasound tomorrow, but I am. It's not as if we are really going to see amything, since it's still ao early. All we are going to learn is my due date, but my nerves won't subside. I am excited to see this little baby, this little heartbeat and for the first time really know i'm pregnant. I am excited that this will be my big Christmas present. I will post again after our appt. Pray for us!

Big Week!

We go for our ultrasound on Friday, yup the eve of Chriatmas Eve. I am beyond ecstatic. I knowbonce I see this little babby, and see a heartbeat, I will be over the moon. What an amazing Christmas present.. We havem't really told anyone else, a few random people, but I am anxious to tell the world. Part of me wanta to ahout it from the mountains, and the other part wants to enjoy this secret time as long as I can. If I have my calculationa right, I am about 7/8 weeks and am feeling every second of it. The aheer exhauation has set in, and I am getting these terrible stretching pains (which I don't remeber with the firat two). I have been having some moderate cramping which scares the bejeezes out of me. I know some discomfort is expected, but this is worse them I remember. I talked to my mid wife and she said it is very normal with a third pregnancy, my body knows the routine amd just jumps into position. I am trying my best to enjoy every second of this one, since we are more then certain we are done after this. We hace decided ro breast feed which is new rovua, never did it with the first two. I want tp experience that part, the bonding, and of course to s ave a little moolah! Here is to a week of waiting not so patiently and Santas arrival.

Already!

Symptoms that I wasn't expecting yet have taken over completely. My boobs hurt so bad, it brings teats to my eyes. I am now in a super tight sports bra 24/7. It's bad enough I cringe at showering, not only cause the bra has to come off, but the water make them hurt more. I don't remember this with the first two, atleast not this early. It doesn't help I have been battling a cold and sinus infection all week. I am so tired I can hardly funtion moat days. My patience ia as thin as it can be, and I feel horrible for my family, especially TJ. He is taking the bulk of housework, the primary care of the kids and lack of attention from me. Its gonna be a long couple of months. Two great things to look forward to, we get to see this little baby on Friday at our ultrasound, then we get to celebrate Christmas for three straight dasy. I hope I feel better by then.

Oh boy!

Now that the cat is out of the bag I feel the need to vent a bit. I AM SCARED OUT OF MY MIND! I was never this scared with my first two. I am scared of miscarriage, neglecting my first two, I may not be strong enough to endure pregnanc y again, the list goes on. I don't talk to anyone about it, maybe because I don't think they will understand, but I truly believe if I don't talk about it no bad can happen. I know crazy right... I am driving myself nuts.

Shout it out loud..

We have some big news and its killing me to keep it quiet. I figure not many people read blog, so I can talk about it on here. I have not announced it yet on facebook, and honestly not sure if and when I will. We found out on Thanksgiving that we are expecting baby #3. I have to admit at I wasn't as excited as I should/could have been. I think the initial shock and fact that it was unexpected took over, the fear and nerves set in, I found it hard to be excited. We haven't told many people, really only family and a few close friends. We had a doctors appt last week and an ultrasound, we go again on the 23rd to confirm due date and growth. If you do happen to read this, as excited as we really are, we aren't ready for the world to know yet. I feel so much better now!

Whirlwind....

I feel like my life is in a whirlwind and I can't get out. Most days are pretty good, but others are a complete disaster. My family is great, my marriage is great, my kids are great, but everything else is in shambles. I have let friendships go, not intentionally, just that I am not good at catching up, responding or keeping up with other people. I have let other things get in the way of moving forward and that needs to end. I find myself trying to "keep up with the Jones'" and that needs to stop. I need to learn and stick to me, my family and our home. I can no longer concern myself with things that do not directly affect me. I need to remember that: my children are perfect in everyway to me, they are adorable, sweet, loving, kind, happy and healthy; my marriage is amazing, beyond words; my husband, wow too much to say about him; my immediate family is awesome, beyond supportive (for the most part). That is all that matters.

Just Cause

I have so many things whirling around lately, big changes, little changes, growing kids, happy marriage, awesome family. I don't have much time to post, but I will do my best.

I can honestly say, I am no longer a bus driver. I quit, kind of, and I am pretty happy about it, yet scared to death. They do not have a run for me, so I am on a "waiting list", ha ha, yeah right?!?! I started a new part-time job at the Y, as a swim instructor and I love it. I like the kids, the environment, the schedule. While teaching swim, I, in a manner of speaking, feel on top of another position. I am now the office Youth and Teen Coordinator. So now I have two positions, both of which I love love love. I can't wait to see what the future holds.

The kids are pretty awesome. They are still growing, still fun, still cute. Emmily started kindergarten in August, and she is in love. She does so great, she has made lots of friends and looks forward to going each day. Colin misses her terribly, but we survive. He was lost the first few days, maybe a week or so, but we have adjusted and he is becoming far more independant. We have been pondering a #3, yikes, I said it out loud. There are so many reasons to just do it, and so many not too. We both agreed a long, long time ago, three was our number, but after Colin, we didn't feel the rush to do it again. We really enjoy having two kids, but we both long for just one more. One more little baby. See we were both convinced we were having three, we never enjoyed the last pregnancy, infant stage... the way we should have. We never thought that having a third would be such a hard decision. The hardest part is, it is now or never. I don't want to wait 5 years and start over. right now, if we did it, there would be 4 years between Colin and baby, which is a lot more then we planned but not too bad. I don't want much more in there. Ok, enough about that! LOL!

TJ and I just celebrated 7 years married, 13 years together. HOLY MOLY! That is a long time, but honestly it doesn't feel that long. We are still so in love, just like it was yesterday. I am so proud of my husband, he is such an all around amazing man. I love him in ways I never thought I could love!

I am running out of time, so this will be scattered a bit. We did a fundraiser for my neice, who has CF. This was the second annual, and it was amazing. we raised over $5k to donate to the CF Foundations. Amazing. Christmas is so close, and we have done nothing. I think we are going to try to start shopping soon. We have to get it done, as much as we dread it. I turn "30" in November, and I am not sure how I feel about it. I am not sad to be 30, it's actually kind of exciting, but I am not so excited. I know it doesn't make sense. I have always wanted a big party for my 30th, but I don't think that will be happening. Times are tough, and money is tight for everyone. I guess this year will just be us, celebrating, which is totally fine with me. The weather is changing and I am completely in love with it. The crisp cool mornings, the cool breeze in the afternoon, the earlier sunsets. I love fall. I could live without all the rain we have had, but it nature, can't stop it.

Ok, I am officially over my time limit. I will try, ha ha, to write again soon!

Changes!

I have been working at the Jennersville Y for awhile now, as a swim instructor. I love it there. It is a different place and type of work then driving bus, and it's nice. I really do love it there. I have a job interview on Monday with the Y again, this time for a bigger position, Youth/Teen Coordinator. I would be the assistant to the director. It is a part-time job, and Colin could come to work with my while Emily is in school. I am super excited and super scared. TJ and I have already decided that I will not be returning to drive bus this fall. The politics and stupidity there is just out of control, and it is just not worth driving to West Chester twice a day. I love my students, and I love driving my bus, but I think it is time to move on. It is such a huge decision to make, especially money wise. We need to make sure I will make enough money at the Y to cover what the bus would have been. Honestly I wasn't making that much money driving bus, so it should be all good.
It is a quick post, but I had to vent about that. I feel like I was going to burst.

Forever.... Whatever that means!

Forever= How long it has been since I last blogged
Forever= How long Emily said I made her wait tonight for her chocolate milk
Forever= How long it's been since I felt as down as I have been recently
Forever= How long I plan to be with my husband
Forever= How long I feel like this hot, humid, miserable weather is going to last.
Forever= How long it will be to see my Pop Pop again
Forever= How long I wish it would take my babies to grow up

Forever is such a funny word to me, it can mean so many things to so many people. It can be 5 minutes or 5 lifetimes. I have been in a real funk lately, things are just not going how we had hoped or planned. Of course not, you can't plan life, you can only expect the unexpected. You can't prepare for something that you don't know is going to happen. How can you? How can a person physically prepare for things when noone knows what tomorrow holds. As I always say "tomorrow is not a promise, it's a gift". With that said, I have been living the last few months as if tomorrow won't happen, as if today was everything. I have loved stronger, dreamed bigger, laughed harder, lived freer, worried less. I knew it would happen eventually, Reality has set in, and my laxed days are over. Money is tight, bills are piling up, debt is growing, economy is sinking, responsibility has to step in. Not as if we had lots of money to start with, but unemployment this year is at an all time low for me, we now have the mortgage to pay, the kids are getting bigger, which means more food, more clothes, more medical bills, more everything. We have applied for every means of help from Welfare to electric assistance, of course being denied for it all. Amazing women on crack, carrying their Gucci bag, driving their Mercedes are getting welfare, insurance, assistance with utilities, free childcare (when they don't work), and they continue to have children. I guess we did it wrong, we got married, settled down, had children.... OOPS my bad, I guess we should have just got straight to the kids and skipped the marriage part. What a joke. I am 100% for drug test in order to get welfare. I think something has to be done in order to make it fair for the people who are actually trying to make ends meet, for mom's who really need the help, for single mother's who didn't have a choice, for families who bust their humps and can't catch a break. Ok now I feel better, as scattered as that was, it made me feel better. Anywho... this summer has been extremely trying on our family, but we will overcome it, and we will be stronger then when we started. It's amazing, TJ and I have become so much closer this summer. Not as if we weren't close before, but I think we are a totally different level now. We laugh more, we joke more, we understand and listen more. It's crazy, I hear so much that money is the cause of many divorces, and money is only making us stronger, or lack of money I should say.
The kids are doing great. Of course they are, they are awesome. They are wild, but awesome. Emily starts kindergarten in August, which means in 29 days I will have a kindergartner. I cannot beleive how fast the last 5 years have went. My baby girl is now my big girl, my strong, independant, beautiful, smart, vibrant, loving, affectionate, sassy, funny big girl. She amazes me all the time, she loves learning and doing new things. I know she will love school, and I can't wait to hear about her first day. Colin, oh my Colin, he is my love bug. He is such a mommma's boy, it's scary. He is so crazy. He loves to laugh and make funny faces, he loves to tell stories, and his facial expressions are so dramatic. He is getting so big now. He talks up a storm, runs like a race car, rides bike, wrestles, digs for worms, plays with his tractors, everything a typical little boy does. He has no interest in pooping on the potty, but loves to pee outside. His smile lights up a room, his eyes melt your heart, his laugh is contagious. He is my buggy and I love him so much. I am one lucky momma to have the two children I have. I wouldn't trade them for the world.
I have to end this post, it's super late and I have an early morning tomorrow.

Randoms

I posted something on Facebook a few years ago, and I have wanted to post it again, see if anything changed. Here are 25 random facts about me. It is actually harder then I thought to come up with 25 random things, but I am going to try.
1. TJ and I have been together for almost 13 years, When I am 40 we will have been together more then half my life.
2. I think my children are beyond gorgeous, perfect, smart and extremely misbehaved LOL!
3. My siblings are my best friends. I talk to my brother daily and my sister several times a day.
4. My mom knows more about my personal life then most parents would care to know, but I talk to her about everything.
5. I miss my grandfather everyday, every minute. It has been 12 long years without him.
6. I am scared to send my daughter to kindergarten, I am afraid I won't be cool enough for her anymore.,
7. I long for another baby, but know deep down we are probably done with 2.
8. I have control issues that I can't seem to fix. I have tried and can't
9. My dream is to become a party planner (professionally). I love planning parties and watching them come to life. Weddings would be super cool.
10. I have no order when it comes to money. I am horrible with budgets and can't save money to save my life.
11. I kiss my children a gazillion times a day and tell them I love them even more. I don't ever want them to doubt my love.
12. I can't sleep when my bed is under a window.
13. I can't stand when there is laundry in the basket to be washed. I do laundry everyday so I don't see it.
14. I am obsessed with Facebook, it is almost my only adult interaction daily.
15. I am extremely overweight and can't seem to fix it. I have been trying and it is not working.
16. I don't blog nearly as much as I would like to.
17. I am so in love with my husband it sometimes hurts, in a good way.
18. I am from a family of alcoholics and don't drink much because I am scared of it.
19. I can't take Nyquil, It makes me sleep to hard.
20. I drive a 72 passenger school bus for a living, as much as I love my students, I HATE MY JOB.
21. I will talk to a complete stranger at the store if they seem friendly, TJ tells me I am too friendly.
22. I have no regrets from my past, other then money choices, and I beleive that my past is what makes me who I am today.
23. I consider on of my husbands ex-girlfriends, actually it's probably his first love, as one of my good friends. We don't speak in person, but on Facebook all the time and I value her opinion and enjoy reading her blog.
24. We bought a house 2 years ago, as much as I love my home, I miss renting. Owning is not all it's cracked up to be.
25. I have two best friends, neither of which have met each other, they are exact opposites in their personalities, have nothing in common, but I love them both dearly.

Spring Fever

Today is GORGEOUS! I wish so much that the yard wasn't covered in that ugly white stuff, the kids would love to get some fresh air and play outside. It's been so long since they have played outside. I hope the weather stays this way for a while. I know it's still winter, but I am ready for spring already. I am sick of the freezing cold and ice and snow.... I want chirping birds, sunshine and flowers.

I have not blogged about my weight loss because I am just disgusted with myself. I was doing so great, felt great and saw a difference, and then.... I lost my momentum. We all came down with a cold, sleep became a foreign event, life just went spiralling out of control. I haven't been on the elliptical in over a week, and I feel it. I am back to feeling frumpy, fat and just plain old lazy. I keep saying I am going to get right back to it, but it hasn't happened yet. TJ keeps bugging me and I just ignore him, so I vow on Sunday I will start back to my regimen and get right back on the horse. I am still determined to lose the weight. Luckily, I have not gained any weight since falling off, so that's a plus. Now I just have to lose more. It's very hard and frustrating, but I know I need to do it.

A Night Out!

TJ and I are going out tonight just the two of us. We desparately need some alone time and are both looking forward to it beyond words. We are going out to dinner, then out to have drinks with my parents (yes my parents, they have a more of a life then we do). I have been looking forward to tonight for a long time. I enjoy so much spending time with TJ. My goal for tonight is to not talk about the kids the whole time, I want to talk about us, life, friends, love, our future. I want to hold hands and sneak a kiss here and there, as if we were teenagers just starting this journey. I long for his utmost attention, and I love when I get it. I know it sounds selfish, but I never has his complete attention until the kids are in bed, by then we are both exhausted and ready for bed ourselves. The best part of dinner is it's free. Our neighbors, who are so super sweet, gave us a gift card to Red Lobster/Olive Garden. We share a driveway, and he had surgery a while back, but he is still casted. TJ promised them he would tend to the driveway in bad weather, as a show of their appreciation, we came home one night to a beautiful card and this generous gift. We are blessed to have such great neighbors, or atleast on that side LOL! I could live without our not-so-next door neighbor two doors the other way. Anyway... We are so grateful to be able to go out to dinner just the two of us and save money while doing it. Thank you so much Jim & Linda, it means a lot to us!

I posted a few days ago, and I think (actually I know) I may have not been clear as to who or what I was referring too. I guess if I am going to allow the public to read this I should be more careful how I word things and what I say. If I offended anyone with my post, I am sorry. I can honestly say, if you were offended by it then it was probably not aimed at you, because the people it was aimed at wouldn't care if I was talking about them, which is why I put the post. I also want to make the record clear for myself... friends, best friends, are who they are because of the things they do and how they care. I can say in my life I have had two true, honest, fabulous best friends, one I have a long, long history with, one has been more recent, but both are equally important for different reasons. I love both of them and I hope they both realize how much they mean to me. The statement that a true best friend could go for a long time without speaking or seeing each other, but pick right back up where it left off. That is how these ladies are. We could go for weeks without contact, but when we do finally contact each other it's just as if we spoke yesterday. That is the kind of friendship I have, and it works so well for us. We each have our own families, our own lives and need space, but when push comes to shove we are there. The interesting thing, they don't really know each other. The know of each other, but have never really met or spoke. They are two totally different people with two different lives. It's crazy to think how well I get along with two completely different people.

Emily chose her birthday theme... drum roll please.... Tinkerbell. Totally not what I thought she would choose. Actually her first choice was Justin Beiber and I was absolutely not doing that, so her second choice was Tinkerbell. I am so not ready for "Beiber Fever". We were looking online for decorations and stuff and she was so excited, I guess I better get a move on the party planning, it will be here too soon!

This post is so scrambled and out of order but I have so much on my mind that I am scattered. Colin is crying for his milk, but if I give it to him now he will be asleep in five minutes and our night out will be ruined by a little man stumbling down the stairs at 4am. Not an ideal night out, but I love when he cuddles in bed with us.


I am sitting here waiting on the sitter to get here and I am getting butterflies because I am so excited to be with TJ. After all these years he still gives me butterflies. Yay, she's here now. Enjoy your night, I will!

So Proud

I must say, I am beyond proud of my big girl. She will be 5 in less then 30 day (omg... she will be five in less then 30 days) and I am so in love with how much she has grown and matured since last year. She is in preschool 3 days a week, 2.5 hours a day. She loves it, she is learning so much and she is so great socially. Her teacher has such great things to say about her and she has made some really good friends. In the beginning it was a little scary sending her to "school" and I was not too thrilled with it, but I am so glad we stuck it out. She used to come home in the worst moods ever, very whiny, bossy and down right mean. The last few weeks have been such an improvement and she is a totally different kid. She talks about school all the time and unfortunate for me, she is completely ready for kindergarten. I am not so ready, but I will have to put my big girl panties on and deal with it. I am sad because alot of the friends she has at school don't go to Octorara. Her school is in the middle of Coatesville and Octorara so a lot of them will go to Coatesville. I am confident that she will make new friends just as easy and she will be juts as happy. I still can't beleive that almost 5 years have come and gone. I remember finding out I was pregnant, finding out she was a girl, bringing her home, and now she is going to be 5. She is beautiful, smart, fun, loving, passionate, did I mention smart. I love her so much it hurts. I miss my baby girl, but I am enjoying my big girl. I am anxious to see what the next 5 years have in store.

No Title- Too Much To Say!

There is really no new news on the weight loss. I did not lose any weight as of Sunday, but I did not gain any either, which is good. I am continuing my challenge and I WILL SUCCEED. I will succeed because I want to, because too many people told me I wouldn't, because my children deserve a healthy mama, because I want to be "sexy" for my husband. I am going to get through this and come out a better person in the end. I have a little less then 11 months to lose 45lbs.

I have a lot on my mind lately, mostly just questioning where I stand in my own life and how people come in and out of life so easily. I amazes me everyday how we think we know about people and we think the relationship/friendship shared with that person is something more then it really is. The actuality that the relationship was not what we thought is hurtful, like a knife to the heart. When you share special things with this person, when you tell them deep dark secrets, when you do everything in your power to relate to them and accomodate them. Just like that it is not like that and things are different. I am who I am, take it or leave it, but do know if you leave it, you leave it, no turning back. I am great person, I am a genuine friend, I am a loving, caring, kind, passionate, warm person UNTIL you cross me and I am afraid there are a lot of people getting to that point.
With all that said, TJ and I are better then ever. It's crazy that we have been together not quite 13 years, and we just keep getting stronger as the years pass. Honestly he is the only person other then my children that I have 100% all the time. He is defintely my best friend and I could not imagine a day without him. He keeps me going and reminds me everyday how much he loves me, unconditionally!
I have so much more to say, but not enough time. I will try to post later!

Get Right Back Up!

I will honestly say, this whole losing 50lbs, well.... It's a lot harder then I thought. This past weekend I lost all momentum. I didn't work out, I didn't watch my portions (I did but just not conciously) and I just didn't care. That is not acceptable, not for me, not for TJ and not for my goal. Needless to say, I got right back up and started again. Tuesday was a hard workout, considering I hadn't done on for about 4 days, and I did extra to try to help make up for the lacking. I am back in my routine, but it is no easier physically, but much easier mentally. I know I am at an unhealthy size, I have not built up the courage to announce my current size, a little embarrassment, but mostly because I don't want to stay there. I will eventually admit it, but not today!
TJ and I are attempting to cut out red meat "almost" completely. We both know it is very unhealthy and honestly it is expensive. We have found so many yummy recipes for Chicken, Pork and Turkey. We both love Turkey Taco's, Turkey Burgers and just plain Turkey. I am not a huge fan of Pork, but I am willing to try new recipes in hopes to learn to love it. Chicken, now Chicken is a different story. We both could eat it everyday, but dang it, it just gets boring. I found a few recipes on Better Homes & Garden website, which we absolutely loved. I found a few on FoodNetwork.com and we are trying a new one tonight. It is Sweet & Sour Chicken with brown rice and mixed veggies from a blog I have been reading called Browned Eyed Baker. I will try to figure out how to attached the recipes at the end of this. We are huge garlic lovers and the first two recipes have a good amount of garlic. They are not the healthiest meals, in terms of fat, calories, carbs... But boy oh boy they are delish, and they are not red meat. We have to start somewhere right? Now let me try to add those recipes.

http://www.browneyedbaker.com/2009/06/10/sweet-and-sour-chicken
http://www.bhg.com/recipe/chicken/garlic-parmesan-chicken-and-noodles
http://www.bhg.com/recipe/chicken/three-cheese-ziti-and-smoked-chicken-casserole

Not what I hoped

I weighed in this morning, and it was not as much as I hoped, but it's better then nothing. I lost another two pounds, making a total of 5 in two weeks. I a proud of myself, yet I am still disappointed. Let's hope next Sunday I can reach my goal of 5lbs in one week.

Weighing in....

Tomorrow is a weigh in day, I try to do it every Sunday as soon as I wake up, I pee and weigh myself completely naked to be as accurate as possible. I am nervous to weigh in, I just don't feel like I am losing weight. I am exercising, I cut my portions, I am drinking more water (than usual) and I am trying some new sit ups and crunches. I am not noticing a differnce yet, except for the pain my muscles feel from the crunches. I really want to lose weight and maybe, just maybe, I am not a patient person. I want to see results fast and I am not. In two weeks we have only had two red meat meals, which is a huge cut from out normal 6-8 red meat meals. I have been trying to eat three smaller meals, with a few small snacks in between (pretzels, popcorn, etc...) and I am feeling great. I am just concerned that the scale is not going to change. I must admit, I am happy with my size, if I could just tone it up. I am comfortable being a the size I am, I am just not happy with the giggly, chubby areas. Boy, oh boy, this is really hard.

We just had dinner at my sisters for Jake's 8th birthday.... where did the last 8 years go? I can't beleive how fast they have passed. We had a good time, I just wish things with my family were the same as they used to be. Sometimes I feel like a stranger around my own family. I am not bashing my family, but honestly sometimes I feel so close to them, but lately I don't. My sisters are my best friends, but recently I have felt like and outsider looking in. I don't know if it's because we are all going our separate ways or that TJ and I are different then them. I dont' know, it could just be me. Oh well, I am sure it's nothing.

We recently started to reunite a past friendship that went wrong a few years back. I think just before TJ and I got married, we were just at different points of our lives and went different paths. Mind you, they were our best friends for a long time, we did everything together, but somehow we lost that. It was probably our fault, as we went through a stage when we didn't want anyone but family, which was wrong because they were part of our family. We have recently been spending more time with them, and I truly enjoy it. They have two children the same age as Emily, and the kids all get along so great. It's crazy how easily we could just pick up where we left off. I truly thought we lost them forever and I am grateful that we didn't. It is so true, you never know what you got till it's gone. There are things that I have shared with her that I would never dare share with anyone else. I have memories with her that still make me smile, and I hope we can continue to make them with our families together. She somehow makes me look at the bigger picture and feel normal. I don't have many girlfriend, as a matter of fact, one other then this particular one, and her and I only have time to talk online. We can never get our schedules to match and when they do it just never works out. I love them both dearly and I am thankful to have both of them.

I am at my whits end with my job, no better yet, I HATE MY COMPANY! There I said it and it felt good. They want us to interact with the students, make the students a priority, but we get in trouble if we interact to much. I love my students and I enjoy a few co-workers, but seriously the company is just flat out stupid. I have put my application in a few places hoping for something in the evening or night so I don't have to worry about childcare. I hope something comes along soon, I am not sure how much more I can take.

Snow's a comin'!

It is supposed to snow/ice/rain tomorrow all day. It should be fun, especially if we go to school on time and get out early. I dread days like tomorrow is shaping up to be. I wish it would just snow or not... this in between sucks.
The working out is going well. This is night two on the next level of the elliptical, and I really do feel great. I am sweating more (fabulous) and I am feeling the workout more (not so fabo). I am adding crunches and stuff as well now. I have had two c-sections, so I have a super pretty "pouch" that seems to get bigger every day. I hope to be able to minimize it, I doubt it will ever go away all together, but boy it would be nice. I would also like to get rid of that spare tire I have been carrying around, you know the one that pops out of the top of my jeans, the one that makes me look like a muffin, yea you know, that one! It's a work in progress, and it is going to very hard, but with a lot of support and determination, I CAN DO IT! I have to keep telling myself that or I will give up! I CAN DO IT, I CAN DO IT, I CAN DO IT!

One week down!

So today was exactly one week since I weighed myself for the first time in a long time. I have been watching my portions, using the Elliptical, and drinking more water. My plan is to weigh myself every Sunday, first thing in the morning, in the all natural nude. Much to my surprise, after a crazy week, a week that for three days I did not use the elliptical, and I manage to lose 3 pounds. To most that does not seem like much, but to me it's a huge milestone. I hope next week is more, since I am determined to lose 5lbs a week. I will just have to drink more water, use the elliptical everyday and continue to watch my portions. YAY Me!
We went to State College on Friday with my in-laws, what a great time we had. We took the kids snow tubing on Saturday morning and had a blast. Emily was so great, she was going all by herself and loving every minute of it (boo- my baby is getting to big now), Colin on the other hand, hated every minute of it. He went down once and then played in the snow for two hours while Emily and daddy went up and down. I want to get my sisters together and take the big kids up for a day trip. It would be so fun.
We have a birthday party today for a friend's son. He turns six, and this is the first party we have been invited to. We have been friends with them forever (literally, I have known him since the day I was born) and his wife quickly became my best friend for years. When we got married we kind of lost touch (don't have any reason) and hadn't spoken for awhile. I can honestly say, I missed their friendship and the girly talks, and the time lost. I am so glad we have moved on and reconnected. I am so happy to part of their lives and that our kids get along so great. I hope this is a start to something really fabulous.
I don't have much time, but I want to get this off my chest. 2010 was a really hard year for our family. We lost many people we loved dearly, and made many mistakes that we can't take back, we were irresponsible with money, and lazy with activities. This year is going to be different, come hell or high water. I vow to make the changes in our lives that will better us all around. I will get into all of that later. It's party time!

Snow Day!

Yesterday we were off of work in obsevance of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Today we are off because we got slammed with a fabulous snow/ice storm that left the roads very ugly. Rather then drive myself crazy at home for the second day doing nothing, I did some research and learned a lot about losing weight, safely and healthy. I have read many blogs and articles and most of them recommend cutting out red meat. Oh vey! Red meat and I go way back. I am a huge meat eater, I would prefer red meat over all other meats and defintely over veggies. I will admit in the last year or so, I have cut back a little, but not nearly enough. Most of the success stories I read involved cutting it out completely or maybe having it once or twice a month. Boy that's gonna be hard, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I spent a good part of the past two days looking for yummy (simple) chicken and turkey recipes. Not a very easy task, I must say. I found a few, but not enough. Surprisingly, TJ has been great witht his whole change over. He is up for anything to help me. The man also eats anything, and I truly mean, he will try anything! (That's why I love him so much)I found a few very helpful sites that give advice for beginners and seem to sympathize with us. I also calculated my grocery bill. If I cut out red meat for the most part, my grocery bill will definitely go down. I spend most of my bill on meats, but turkey, chicken and pork are so much cheaper. I have also been following a blog, she is a sister of a friend I went to school with. She is amazing and I want to be so much like her. She makes her own bread, everything she does is homemade, and it all looks so delish! I hope to try some of her recipes soon.
I also looked into Weight Watchers. I have seen and heard so many success stories with them, and I know I would do well with it, but it of course costs money. Money is not something we have a lot of to spend. I think on Feb. 1 I might just suck it up and sign up. It will run me about $56 for three months, which is not too bad. I am just not sure if I will do online or go to meetings. I am afraid online I won't have as much push. But meetings make me crazy too, as if I don't have enough things to occupy my time. I have two weeks to decide, and I know whatever decision I make, TJ will guide me through it.
I want to dedicate this blog to help me lose weight, but I still want to use it to post about my life as well. Just a quick update on us! TJ and I have been married 6 years now, crazy I know. We will celebrate 13 years together in August, even crazier I know. I just said to him the other day "why are we the lucky ones? we are still madly in love and beyond happy". Emily will be 5 in about 45 days, oh my goodness, what happened to my baby girl. She will start kindergarten in the fall. I called to sign her up for registration and cried the whole time I was on the phone. I will miss her so much. Colin Michael.... Oh boy, oh boy! He will be 3 in May, he is all boy and he is so much like his daddy it's scary. He is talking so much and he is so funny. He has quite the personality. Me I am still me... driving bus, being wife, mom, sister, daughter, friend. The house is good, still not exactly what we want, but someday! We have big dreams! If we dream big, big things can happen!

Starting new...

I haven't blogged in a while, and I do truly miss it, but I am trying a new blog. I set a goal for this year. Not so much a resolutions, but a goal. I want to lose atleast 50lbs. by January 1, 2012. I am extremely overweight, unhealthy and losing my self-control. I am going to use my blog to document and help my journey. When I was in high school I was a size 6/8, needless to say I am no longer that size. I have always said "I have two kids and a husband that helped me get bigger" but in actuallity I am the only one who made me "big". I am uncomfortable with my size, I am starting to get pain in my hips and knees from the extra weight, I get winded very easily, I am always tired, I never have energy and I am just flat out disgusted with myself.
I have started exercising on an elliptical machine and I love it. It gives me a huge boost and I feel great after doing it. That is step one, now I have to figure out step two. I will post again when I get it all under control.