Saturday, November 29, 2008

Giving Thanks!

There are so many reasons to be thankful. I find myself looking for reasons to not be thankful, but I am really trying to change that. I am typically a very negative person, but I have been trying to find the positive and use it to my advantage. It seems to be working, and I notice a little change in my attitude. I laid in bed last night, while TJ was snoozing away, and went through so many things that I should be thankful for, and they far out number the reasons not to be thankful.

My children..... the most beautiful, precious, perfect angels anyone could ask for. They are truly a gift, and I am so thankful to have them in my life. They show the most unselfish, devoted love. They smile, even when I don't think there is a reason to smile, and make my heart melt. They can make anyday seem like perfection. Emily is so creative, so happy, so loving. She keeps my going with a smile on my face, just because she is Emily. I always say "who couldn't love her, that is my girl" and truly I don't know anyone who couldn't love her. She is so compassionate, and funny and loving and she absolutely loves her baby "brudder". Colin, he is such a little tubby. He is so happy, even when he is not feeling well. Example, he just got shots yesterday, he cried for like 2 minutes, and then laughed and played the rest of the day. He just smiles, and I get butterflies. He is so much like his daddy, with his eyes and his smile. He is surely a mommas boy, but I am ok with that. Honestly, how couldn't I be thankful for them!

My husband..... I could go on forever about him. We have our moments and we sometimes don't treat each other the way we should, but that who we are! He is my soul mate, and I really don't think I could do this without him. He is the love of my life, and I am so thankful for him. I know I probably don't always show it, nor do I always act it, but I do love him unconditionally, with all my heart.

My family...... I have the best sisters and brother a person could ask for. They are truly my best friends! I also have the most supportive, caring parents. We all have a very open relationship, no secrets and no lies, my parents included. We are all very loyal to each other, and that is very important. My parents have come a long way since we were little, and it is inspiring for TJ and I. I only hope I have a quarter of their love and strength in 32 years. They have been throuhg a lot, and somehow they only got stronger. I know us kids have based our own marriages and relationships on them. We all want so much to be like them.

My job..... I know, it sounds stupid. I am only a bus driver, but I don't see it like that. First and foremost, I have job security. There will always be school, and they will always need transportation. Second, I love my students. My students are the best students, with a few exceptions of course. They are really great kids, and my elementary kids love me just as much as I love them. I am thankful for my job, not only for the money, but because I can still be a full-time mommy. I take my kids with me, and we all love it, including my students!

Good Health...... Lately we have been struggling with my sister, having some medical problems. Everything is fixed now, and she should be better then ever soon! Having gone through this experience with her, I am so thankful we are all healthy now. We all could be better, but we don't have any major problems. I am thankful that Jenn had the problems she did, as they could have been much more serious. I am thankful that we have not had to experience what other have. My Great aunt just lost her 35 year old daughter to cancer. It started as breast cancer, and spread throughout. She had two beautiful baby boys, and so much to live for, but someone above thought it was her time. Now my aunt has to greive the loss of her daughter, and wonder what her son-in-law will do with her grandsons. That is why I am thankful for health!

My mom, as we were growing up, always told us "we are extremely rich, rich in love not money". When I was a kid I never really understood or respected that statement. Now that I am an adult, with my own children, I understand. We are rich in love and not money. I would rather have all the love in the world, then millions of dollars. Money is the root of all evil, and I only want what I need to get by. We struggle a lot with money, we often don't have enough to make ends meet, or we are robbing peter to pay paul, but that is better then greed and selfishness. I think Tj and I are who we are today because of our struggles, and our hard work. We appreciate things more because we have to work harder for them. Life to me is not measured by how much money you make, or what material things you have.... it is measured by your accomplishments, how hard you work, and the things that you love. This is the time of year to look at yourself and your life and find the true meaning of love and family. To me the meaning of love is reinvented everyday, when my children wake up, and I see them grow. To me the meaning of family is in my sisters and brother, their families and my parents. The love and support we have for each other is the meaning of family. I know this somehow became a mushy mess, but I have been thinking about all this, and I needed to vent. I find myself getting depressed and down during the holidays, mostly because of money, but this year I want it to be different. I want this year to be about love and family and friends and life. If you are still reading this, you apparently agree, or at least wanted to listen, so I hope you and yours have a Happy Holiday season, and may you find the blessing in your life and the love I have found!

Sunday, November 23, 2008


This last week has been a crazy, crazy week. We had so much go on, and it is really hard to keep up. My birthday was on Wednesday. It was just another day, just as I figured it would be. Noone forget, surprisingly. It was a nice night at home with my family, and Emily was singing to me all day. It was nice. Tonight we are having dinner at my mom's and they are doing cake and ice cream for me then. It will be nice, except my sister Jenn won't be there.

I better start a new paragraph to talk about Jenn. She had her Gall Bladder removed on Friday afternoon. It was a laporscopic procedure (*meaning they make a few small incisions, rather then a large one), but she still had to be given general anesthesia. She had a hard time coming out of it, and they kept her overnight. Through the night, the monitored her, and realized she has severe sleep apnea. Now she has to do a sleep study tonight. She just got home from the hospital, now she is headed back up there. I feel horrible, especially because she won't be there tonight. I wish we could postpone my birthday dinner, but this is truly the only free time for everyone. Kelly is going to bring the boys though, so they can be part of it. It will be fun for the kids, but I am sure all the adults will be thinking of Jenn. I just hope everything gets taken care of, and she can go back to living a normal life.

This morning we went to a girl I used to work with. I would consider her my friend, but we don't get many opportunities to talk. She was selling a boat load of girl clothes, 4-5T. I got a huge trash bag full of clothes for $60. She was originally asking much more, but I seriously could not afford it. She made that offer, so I took it. I could not pass it up. I got so much, and it is all so cute, and in excellent condition. Emily has a whole new wardrobe, with jeans that are long enough. Who would have thought "my" baby girl would tall like her daddy. I can't wait to see her in all the new clothes.

I asked Emily the other day if she wanted a kitty cat from Santa, and she told me "no". I was shocked. That was going to be her big gift from Santa. She is getting so much more, but that was the one things I was sure she would love. When I asked her why, she said "mommy they scratch". I laughed so hard, she was so cute. So now I am not sure what to do, we were set on getting one for her. We'll see what Santa brings in a month.

Better get going, I will try to post later.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Another weekend over!

This weekend turned out to be an uneventful, yet fun weekend. On Friday night we really did nothing, just sat around and watched our dvr shows. On Saturday, TJ worked, then we went to the hospital to see our friends who just had twins. (I'll talk more about that in a minute). On Sunday, we went grocery shopping and cleaned, cleaned, cleaned. All and all it was a great weekend.

Our friends have been anxiously awaiting their twins, and finally they made an appearance. On Friday she was admitted, and crazy enough the babies were born with two different birthdays. Madeline was born late Friday night, and Leah was born early Saturday morning. They were I think, an hour apart. We went to see them on Saturday. OMG, they are soooo cute, and cuddly. I was really nervous to go see them. I was afraid that if I held another little baby, I would want another one. I know crazy, right? But you know me! Honestly, it did the exact opposite. I don't want to sound rude, but it really made me not want anymore. I think it was more out of concern for them. I know they will do so great, and they are already excellent parents, but they are going to have 4 kids, under the age of 3. I know they can handle it, and they will make it look easy, but I don't think I could handle it. I think I would seriously lock myself up! She is such a strong role model for her daughters, my friend that it. She is one of the strongest, most patient, kind, generous, selfless people I know. She has always been caring and supportive of me, and so generous when it comes to my kids. I know that god dealt her this hand because he knows she can handle it, and handle it well. I hope she reads this, so she knows how much I respect her, not only as my friend, but as a mother to her children, a wife to her husband and an all around wonderful person. She has inspired me, and I am sure she will inspire many more people in her time. I truly do consider her my best friend. I do not have many girl friends, as a matter of fact, other then my sister, I don't really have any. We don't have the kind of friendship that we call each other all the time, or that we hang out every day, but we talk, especially on Myspace. We complain to each other, all the time. It is really the kind of friendship I need, she is there when I need her, but has her own life to worry about.

Ok enough about that. We went out to dinner on Saturday night. that was so much fun. We went to Friendly's with my sisters, their husbands, and the boys. We had a blast. It was nice to go out, have fun, and spend time with my family. Friendly's is so famly oriented, and kid friendly. Emily loved it, and the boys did too. We were celebrating the boys, they got excellent remarks at parent/teacher conferences, so my sister want to do something special for them. I hope they had as much fun as I did. They deserve it.

So my birthday is only a couple days away. I am really starting to thing that birthdays just don't matter anymore. If it is not about my husband and children, I don't really care. I guess maybe I should. I really only get one day a year that is mine, but I live for them, not myself. I keep thinking my husband will forget about it, and I am sure some of my family will forget. That is alright though, they have their own families to worry about. So here I am, happy birthday to me, and that is enough!

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Super Saturday!

Wow, I actually had time to post twice today. That is an all time record for me. I just wanted to update about my earlier blog. There has been so much going on lately, it's really hard to keep up with everything.

Today was a good day. We went shopping for Christmas, and it was great. We got Emily and Colin done, except for a few small things. We went to K-mart, got a lot of great big toys for both kids, and Joshy, and put it all on lay away, which is great. We have to pick it all up by Dec. 5, so it is really only for about a month, but it works out anyway. I spent $255, and got everything that I wanted for the kids. I will still get them some clothes, and some stocking stuffers, but all and all, I got everything. I was really excited. Now we just have to get for our parents, our pollianas, Jeffrey, Jake and Bella. That won't be too bad. I mainly wanted to get my kids done, and I did.

We went with my sister Kelly. I must say, Emily loves her aunt Kelly. I don't exist when Kelly is around, but it's ok! We really did have a great time, then we went to her place for dinner. She got a kitten a few weeks ago. Her name is Ruby, and she is soooo cute. I loved playing with her, and I know Emily did too. I finally have TJ convinced that Emily would love a kitty. We are discussing getting one from Santa. We aren't 100% sure yet, but we are leaning towards it. Ruby was so much fun, and Emily was really good with her. Ruby is still a little stand offish, but she warmed up fast. She played with me the most, but Emily was holding her and playing with her too. I loved it, she perched herself on my sisters chest and went to sleep. That would be so great for Emily. It would be something Emily could raise herself, since we had Spike before Emily was born. I don't know, we have a lot of thinking to do on it.

We got somewhat good news about my sister. She is still in the hospital, but she should be home tomorrow morning. They have just about completed all the testing, and are pretty sure she has gallstones. They will confirm that late tonight or tomorrow morning. If that is the case, she will be home tomorrow and will have to just let them pass. The nurse told her they can be extremely painful to pass, even worse then natural childbirth. I hope she is ok, I am really worried about her. She is truely my best friend (along with my other sister). She is my support no matter what, and my therapist when I need it. It is really scary to think something could be wrong with her. It really makes you appreciate what you have. Ok, now I have to stop there or I will be a hysterical mess, and keep rambling about nothing.

That's all for now. Just wanted to update while both kids were asleep. Time for bed!

Sleep, or lack there of!

Well, Colin has now decided to protest sleeping at night. I have never had a child that didn't sleep through the night. Emily was the greatest, I have always been able to get 8-12 hours of sleep with her. Colin started the same. From about 5 weeks on, he slept a good 10-12 hours a night. Now in the past month it has been horrible. He only sleeps for like 2 hour increments, and wakes up screaming. I don't understand. I have been chocking it up to teething, but I don't think that is what it is. I am debating on making a doctor appointment, but I don't know if "not sleeping" is really a medical issue. I don't know a lot about it, but I do know "I NEED SLEEP". I am grumpy through the day, and restless all night. It is now to the point that I don't sleep heavy, I just doze in and out because I know he will be up soon! I am going crazy, if it is teething, I hope they come in soon!

Last night my sister went to ER. I am really scared for her, and not sure what is going on. She has been complaining the last couple days of chest pain, and numbness. She has really not been feeling well, so her and her husband decided to go to the hospital last night. They admitted her overnight and are continuing testing. She has a chest scan, and leg scan, to rule out a blood clot and heart attack. They were normal. Today she is having an abdominal scan to rule out her appendix and and ectopic pregnancy. I really scared for her. I couldn't imagine. She has the three boys and her hubby to take care of. I know her hubby is scared out of his mind. I will update more when I know more.

Yesterday, TJ and I sat down and had a really long talk about money. It went much better then I expected. I have made a few mistakes in the past couple months, and me not working in the summer hurt us. Right now, we are not in the best position, not anywhere near where we want to be. I really thought he was going to be very angry with me because I hid it from him, but he was not. He really was understanding. He was disappointed in me just cause I hid it from him, but he wasn't angry at all. I kept waiting for him to explode, but he never did. I now know why we got married, and have made it this far. He is wonderful, and I couldn't ask for better. Now we have to really sit down and figure out how to fix it. I know we will, it will just take a lot of discipline and time.

Tomorrow is my neice, Bella's birthday. She will be one already. I can't beleive it. She is such a beautiful little girl. Spoiled rotten, as all of our kids are. She is definitely a daddy's girl, as my brother is a full-time dad, while his wife works. They are having a party at the Jennersville Y. It is a swimming party, and Emily is soooo excited to go swimming. Emily is a little fish, and I know she is going to have a blast. I am excited to put Colin in the water as well. He has been in the pool before, but the water was just too cold. The pool tomorrow with be indoors and very warm. We'll see.....

I am kinda on call this weekend. Our friends are due to have their twins any day now. He works really far away, and this weekend he is on night shift. I told her to call me, no matter what time, if she needs anything at all. I know sometimes people say things that they don't mean, but I really mean it, and I hope she knows that. I have lots of family local, and she really doesn't. I would love to help them, and maybe be part of this miraculous birth. I am so excited for them. Bringing one baby into this world is a miracle in itself, but to bring two is phenomenal. They are such a great couple, and this was meant to be for them. I can't wait to meet the girls, and tell them how lucky they are to have such a wonderful mommy and daddy. I know this pregnancy has been really hard on her, and I know she is at the end of her rope. I keep telling her this will be over soon enough, but I know that doesn't help her. I will keep them in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope anyone reading my blog will do the same.

My birthday is coming up soon! I am usually excited for it every year, but for some reason this year is different. It almost like it isn't even coming. I don't know, maybe I am just stressed and tired, and don't really care. It is just another day, right? It's not like it is a huge milestone, I will only be 27. Now that I say the, it does sound kinda old. LOL! Oh well, another year, no big deal. Rigth after my birthday come Christmas, oh boy! I am so not ready for that this year. I usually get excited right about now for Christmas, but this year is different, due to money. I know it will all fall into place, and we will be just fine, I just have to get out of this funk I am in. I need to perk up, and get my act together. I think today we will go to K-mart and put all the toys for the kids on lay-away! I know they have a good sale this weekend, and we can put it on lay away, and pay on it weekly. It's much easier to make weekly payment, then to drop a couple hundred buck at one time! Maybe that will get me in the spirit.

I think I will finish this up, I have just about poured my heart out, and now I have to get ready to Christmas shop! I will update again soon!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Just can't keep up!

I try everyday to post to my blog, obviously with no success. My days don't seem to get any easier, nor do they seem to get any longer. I wish there was just a few more hours to get everything done. By the time I get home from work, cook, eat and cleanup dinner, bathe both chitlens, shower myself, get my bag ready for the next morning, it is usually 10pm, and I am like a zombie. The weekends are supposed to be my relax time LOL! I haven't relaxed in a long time. There is always something to do, I can't imagine what life will be like when Emily and Colin get into school programs. Ok now that just made me want to cry.

So, I went to the eye doctor the other day, that was a disaster. I had to take both kids with me, so I couldn't complete the exam, nor could I get fitted for contacts. She told me I need to have corrective lenses on at all times. My right eye is straining a great deal, trying to make up for my left eye. Pretty much, I am blind in my left eye, and my right eye needs help before it goes blind too. Wow, that makes me feel so old. I don't want to wear contacts, but I refuse to wear glasses full-time, so I'm gonna give 'em a try. We'll see. I post next week about that (time willing)!

Well the kids are doing great as ever. Colin is getting so much more active. He talks and makes noises all the time. He love to watch his sister all the time. He will laugh at her in ways that make me jealous. She just dotes on it, and keeps making him laugh. She always wants to hold him, kiss him, and hug him. She has turned into quite the lover. She is very affectionate, always giving kisses. I have to watch her, she will hug and kiss just about everyone. She constantly tells us she loves us. Anyone who has children can respect the feeling you get when your child tells you she loves you. It melts my heart everytime. She reminds me all the time, why I wanted children. I just gave Colin a bath tonight, and he just loves kicking and splashing around. He just smiles and laughs. Emily, on the other hand, would rather take a shower like a big girl, and be done. I love the stage they are both in right now, but I know it won't last. I miss when she was little like Colin, but look forward to when she grows older. It's all so scary and exciting at the same time.

Better go, duty calls, and it's way past bed time.