Sunday, July 31, 2011

Forever.... Whatever that means!

Forever= How long it has been since I last blogged
Forever= How long Emily said I made her wait tonight for her chocolate milk
Forever= How long it's been since I felt as down as I have been recently
Forever= How long I plan to be with my husband
Forever= How long I feel like this hot, humid, miserable weather is going to last.
Forever= How long it will be to see my Pop Pop again
Forever= How long I wish it would take my babies to grow up

Forever is such a funny word to me, it can mean so many things to so many people. It can be 5 minutes or 5 lifetimes. I have been in a real funk lately, things are just not going how we had hoped or planned. Of course not, you can't plan life, you can only expect the unexpected. You can't prepare for something that you don't know is going to happen. How can you? How can a person physically prepare for things when noone knows what tomorrow holds. As I always say "tomorrow is not a promise, it's a gift". With that said, I have been living the last few months as if tomorrow won't happen, as if today was everything. I have loved stronger, dreamed bigger, laughed harder, lived freer, worried less. I knew it would happen eventually, Reality has set in, and my laxed days are over. Money is tight, bills are piling up, debt is growing, economy is sinking, responsibility has to step in. Not as if we had lots of money to start with, but unemployment this year is at an all time low for me, we now have the mortgage to pay, the kids are getting bigger, which means more food, more clothes, more medical bills, more everything. We have applied for every means of help from Welfare to electric assistance, of course being denied for it all. Amazing women on crack, carrying their Gucci bag, driving their Mercedes are getting welfare, insurance, assistance with utilities, free childcare (when they don't work), and they continue to have children. I guess we did it wrong, we got married, settled down, had children.... OOPS my bad, I guess we should have just got straight to the kids and skipped the marriage part. What a joke. I am 100% for drug test in order to get welfare. I think something has to be done in order to make it fair for the people who are actually trying to make ends meet, for mom's who really need the help, for single mother's who didn't have a choice, for families who bust their humps and can't catch a break. Ok now I feel better, as scattered as that was, it made me feel better. Anywho... this summer has been extremely trying on our family, but we will overcome it, and we will be stronger then when we started. It's amazing, TJ and I have become so much closer this summer. Not as if we weren't close before, but I think we are a totally different level now. We laugh more, we joke more, we understand and listen more. It's crazy, I hear so much that money is the cause of many divorces, and money is only making us stronger, or lack of money I should say.
The kids are doing great. Of course they are, they are awesome. They are wild, but awesome. Emily starts kindergarten in August, which means in 29 days I will have a kindergartner. I cannot beleive how fast the last 5 years have went. My baby girl is now my big girl, my strong, independant, beautiful, smart, vibrant, loving, affectionate, sassy, funny big girl. She amazes me all the time, she loves learning and doing new things. I know she will love school, and I can't wait to hear about her first day. Colin, oh my Colin, he is my love bug. He is such a mommma's boy, it's scary. He is so crazy. He loves to laugh and make funny faces, he loves to tell stories, and his facial expressions are so dramatic. He is getting so big now. He talks up a storm, runs like a race car, rides bike, wrestles, digs for worms, plays with his tractors, everything a typical little boy does. He has no interest in pooping on the potty, but loves to pee outside. His smile lights up a room, his eyes melt your heart, his laugh is contagious. He is my buggy and I love him so much. I am one lucky momma to have the two children I have. I wouldn't trade them for the world.
I have to end this post, it's super late and I have an early morning tomorrow.