Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Where to start......

Things are beyond normal right now. We have been pulled in so many directions I lost count a long time ago. I can't keep my head straight nor my body going! There is far more going on then I am going to blog, or I would be here for 10 days typing. I will only hit the important things.

My baby girl turned "4" last week. I can't beleive how fast it really does go by. I can remember so vividly her birth and infancy. I miss my baby girl. She is so grown now, does everything for herself and doesn't want mommy to help anymore. This birthday was especially hard for me because I know there is only one more birthday until school, and I am so not ready for that. As much as she drives me crazy, I love her so much. We threw her this awesome birthday party at the house (which was our first party at our new house). It was a great time and I am so glad we did it. She enjoyed every minute of it and that is all that matters. We did this whole floral, spring theme, with lots of bright colors and balloons. I was so happy with the turn-out. I still can't beleive she is 4!

We recently got some not so good news about my aunt. She is really my aunt, but she is more like a sister to us. She is closer to our age and she has always been close with us. She just announced that they found cancer in her thyroid, which is a good place to have cancer. She saw the oncologist on Monday, and today (Wednesday) she underwent surgery to remove her thyroid and possibly her lymphnodes (sp?), luckily is was only her thyroid. She should not need any radiation, which is good, and they were able to remove all the cancer. We could not have hoped for a better turn out. She is in the hospital over night, then she will stay with my sister until she feels well enough to go home. It is so scary to think about it, but it could have been so much worse, but thankfully it was not.

There is something I have to get off my chest because I never have before, or atleast not to people other then family. My mother-in-law SUCKS! I can honestly say, I have completely written her out of our lives. I hate to say it, but she has no concern with us, so why should we care about her. Years ago she made TJ choose, her or his real dad Ted. Well of course he chose her and shut his dad out of our lives. That was the worst decision he could have ever made. I feel horrible to even think that a mother would ever do that to her child, but she did. I have bottled this up for so long, and I just can't do it anymore. TJ's dad loves TJ and I and our kids so much he would give his life for us. He is such a loving man and caring and proud. I am so sorry he missed the first part of Emily's life, but I am beyond happy that he is here now. Two years ago TJ realized his decision was wrong and that his dad did not deserve that. Now we could not be closer with his dad. Ted married Deb last year, in May. She is such a great person, she loves us just as much as Ted and she has helped Ted so much. They are so good to us, and I am so thankful that we have them. It is so nice to finally say I have in-laws who love me and care about me, not just TJ. I know that sounds selfish, but TJ's mom only loves TJ and doesn't acknowledge me unless she is forced to. Whatever..... anyway, I love Ted and Deb, and I am so happy they are in our lives. I won't even write all the things his mother has done to us to hurt us, but there is enough to write a novel. I will say, we moved into our new home on October 16 and she has never seen it. She does laundry twice a week at the laundry-mat, which is less then a block away, and has never stopped or call to see if she could stop. That's all I have to say about that!

Since things have been so crazy, I have completely lost touch with the outside world. I feel like the people I need most, I have completely shut out. My best friend and I usually always go back and forth on Facebook, but lately, I have been a real slacker in checking in on her and her family. I feel like a horrible friend. I just don't want to bog her down with my problems. I hope we can get back to normal soon, I will make time.

We missed church on Sunday, and now I am really feeling it. I know it sounds silly, but I think I use what Pastor Sam says through the week and try to make sense of things, but without it this week I feel lost. I have been doing so good lately with my down moods and my patience, now this week, I have been in a crabby mood and I have absolutely no patience for anything. I will survive, I just can't wait until Sunday so I can try to get back into the swing of things. I have been hearing alot about people setting aside time each day to do devotions, and I think I may want to learn a little more about that. Maybe if I took time everyday, I could better myself each day rather then just certain days. Maybe I would feel better about myself which in turn will make it easier to deal with the real world. I will have to look into that. I don't know much about Christianity, but I really want to learn more.

I have been really having the baby blues.... OMG... I just said it out loud to someone other then my husband. He just laughs at me and says some snide remark about a five year plan. There are so many people around me pregnant, and I almost feel jealous. I long for one more baby, one more pregnancy, one more chance, one more life! I know I sound crazy, but I do. The more and more I think about it, the more I want it, but TJ is just not ready. I would never rush him into it, three is a hanful or so I hear. He says we will talk about it seriously this summer and see what happens. I hope he comes around, if not I will count my blessing with my two beautiful children and call it that!

I better get going, it's bedtime here and I can't wait to hit the pillow! I will realy try to keep posting more regularly, but I just can't find time!