Tomorrow is a weigh in day, I try to do it every Sunday as soon as I wake up, I pee and weigh myself completely naked to be as accurate as possible. I am nervous to weigh in, I just don't feel like I am losing weight. I am exercising, I cut my portions, I am drinking more water (than usual) and I am trying some new sit ups and crunches. I am not noticing a differnce yet, except for the pain my muscles feel from the crunches. I really want to lose weight and maybe, just maybe, I am not a patient person. I want to see results fast and I am not. In two weeks we have only had two red meat meals, which is a huge cut from out normal 6-8 red meat meals. I have been trying to eat three smaller meals, with a few small snacks in between (pretzels, popcorn, etc...) and I am feeling great. I am just concerned that the scale is not going to change. I must admit, I am happy with my size, if I could just tone it up. I am comfortable being a the size I am, I am just not happy with the giggly, chubby areas. Boy, oh boy, this is really hard.
We just had dinner at my sisters for Jake's 8th birthday.... where did the last 8 years go? I can't beleive how fast they have passed. We had a good time, I just wish things with my family were the same as they used to be. Sometimes I feel like a stranger around my own family. I am not bashing my family, but honestly sometimes I feel so close to them, but lately I don't. My sisters are my best friends, but recently I have felt like and outsider looking in. I don't know if it's because we are all going our separate ways or that TJ and I are different then them. I dont' know, it could just be me. Oh well, I am sure it's nothing.
We recently started to reunite a past friendship that went wrong a few years back. I think just before TJ and I got married, we were just at different points of our lives and went different paths. Mind you, they were our best friends for a long time, we did everything together, but somehow we lost that. It was probably our fault, as we went through a stage when we didn't want anyone but family, which was wrong because they were part of our family. We have recently been spending more time with them, and I truly enjoy it. They have two children the same age as Emily, and the kids all get along so great. It's crazy how easily we could just pick up where we left off. I truly thought we lost them forever and I am grateful that we didn't. It is so true, you never know what you got till it's gone. There are things that I have shared with her that I would never dare share with anyone else. I have memories with her that still make me smile, and I hope we can continue to make them with our families together. She somehow makes me look at the bigger picture and feel normal. I don't have many girlfriend, as a matter of fact, one other then this particular one, and her and I only have time to talk online. We can never get our schedules to match and when they do it just never works out. I love them both dearly and I am thankful to have both of them.
I am at my whits end with my job, no better yet, I HATE MY COMPANY! There I said it and it felt good. They want us to interact with the students, make the students a priority, but we get in trouble if we interact to much. I love my students and I enjoy a few co-workers, but seriously the company is just flat out stupid. I have put my application in a few places hoping for something in the evening or night so I don't have to worry about childcare. I hope something comes along soon, I am not sure how much more I can take.
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