Whirlwind....

I feel like my life is in a whirlwind and I can't get out. Most days are pretty good, but others are a complete disaster. My family is great, my marriage is great, my kids are great, but everything else is in shambles. I have let friendships go, not intentionally, just that I am not good at catching up, responding or keeping up with other people. I have let other things get in the way of moving forward and that needs to end. I find myself trying to "keep up with the Jones'" and that needs to stop. I need to learn and stick to me, my family and our home. I can no longer concern myself with things that do not directly affect me. I need to remember that: my children are perfect in everyway to me, they are adorable, sweet, loving, kind, happy and healthy; my marriage is amazing, beyond words; my husband, wow too much to say about him; my immediate family is awesome, beyond supportive (for the most part). That is all that matters.

Just Cause

I have so many things whirling around lately, big changes, little changes, growing kids, happy marriage, awesome family. I don't have much time to post, but I will do my best.

I can honestly say, I am no longer a bus driver. I quit, kind of, and I am pretty happy about it, yet scared to death. They do not have a run for me, so I am on a "waiting list", ha ha, yeah right?!?! I started a new part-time job at the Y, as a swim instructor and I love it. I like the kids, the environment, the schedule. While teaching swim, I, in a manner of speaking, feel on top of another position. I am now the office Youth and Teen Coordinator. So now I have two positions, both of which I love love love. I can't wait to see what the future holds.

The kids are pretty awesome. They are still growing, still fun, still cute. Emmily started kindergarten in August, and she is in love. She does so great, she has made lots of friends and looks forward to going each day. Colin misses her terribly, but we survive. He was lost the first few days, maybe a week or so, but we have adjusted and he is becoming far more independant. We have been pondering a #3, yikes, I said it out loud. There are so many reasons to just do it, and so many not too. We both agreed a long, long time ago, three was our number, but after Colin, we didn't feel the rush to do it again. We really enjoy having two kids, but we both long for just one more. One more little baby. See we were both convinced we were having three, we never enjoyed the last pregnancy, infant stage... the way we should have. We never thought that having a third would be such a hard decision. The hardest part is, it is now or never. I don't want to wait 5 years and start over. right now, if we did it, there would be 4 years between Colin and baby, which is a lot more then we planned but not too bad. I don't want much more in there. Ok, enough about that! LOL!

TJ and I just celebrated 7 years married, 13 years together. HOLY MOLY! That is a long time, but honestly it doesn't feel that long. We are still so in love, just like it was yesterday. I am so proud of my husband, he is such an all around amazing man. I love him in ways I never thought I could love!

I am running out of time, so this will be scattered a bit. We did a fundraiser for my neice, who has CF. This was the second annual, and it was amazing. we raised over $5k to donate to the CF Foundations. Amazing. Christmas is so close, and we have done nothing. I think we are going to try to start shopping soon. We have to get it done, as much as we dread it. I turn "30" in November, and I am not sure how I feel about it. I am not sad to be 30, it's actually kind of exciting, but I am not so excited. I know it doesn't make sense. I have always wanted a big party for my 30th, but I don't think that will be happening. Times are tough, and money is tight for everyone. I guess this year will just be us, celebrating, which is totally fine with me. The weather is changing and I am completely in love with it. The crisp cool mornings, the cool breeze in the afternoon, the earlier sunsets. I love fall. I could live without all the rain we have had, but it nature, can't stop it.

Ok, I am officially over my time limit. I will try, ha ha, to write again soon!

Changes!

I have been working at the Jennersville Y for awhile now, as a swim instructor. I love it there. It is a different place and type of work then driving bus, and it's nice. I really do love it there. I have a job interview on Monday with the Y again, this time for a bigger position, Youth/Teen Coordinator. I would be the assistant to the director. It is a part-time job, and Colin could come to work with my while Emily is in school. I am super excited and super scared. TJ and I have already decided that I will not be returning to drive bus this fall. The politics and stupidity there is just out of control, and it is just not worth driving to West Chester twice a day. I love my students, and I love driving my bus, but I think it is time to move on. It is such a huge decision to make, especially money wise. We need to make sure I will make enough money at the Y to cover what the bus would have been. Honestly I wasn't making that much money driving bus, so it should be all good.
It is a quick post, but I had to vent about that. I feel like I was going to burst.

Forever.... Whatever that means!

Forever= How long it has been since I last blogged
Forever= How long Emily said I made her wait tonight for her chocolate milk
Forever= How long it's been since I felt as down as I have been recently
Forever= How long I plan to be with my husband
Forever= How long I feel like this hot, humid, miserable weather is going to last.
Forever= How long it will be to see my Pop Pop again
Forever= How long I wish it would take my babies to grow up

Forever is such a funny word to me, it can mean so many things to so many people. It can be 5 minutes or 5 lifetimes. I have been in a real funk lately, things are just not going how we had hoped or planned. Of course not, you can't plan life, you can only expect the unexpected. You can't prepare for something that you don't know is going to happen. How can you? How can a person physically prepare for things when noone knows what tomorrow holds. As I always say "tomorrow is not a promise, it's a gift". With that said, I have been living the last few months as if tomorrow won't happen, as if today was everything. I have loved stronger, dreamed bigger, laughed harder, lived freer, worried less. I knew it would happen eventually, Reality has set in, and my laxed days are over. Money is tight, bills are piling up, debt is growing, economy is sinking, responsibility has to step in. Not as if we had lots of money to start with, but unemployment this year is at an all time low for me, we now have the mortgage to pay, the kids are getting bigger, which means more food, more clothes, more medical bills, more everything. We have applied for every means of help from Welfare to electric assistance, of course being denied for it all. Amazing women on crack, carrying their Gucci bag, driving their Mercedes are getting welfare, insurance, assistance with utilities, free childcare (when they don't work), and they continue to have children. I guess we did it wrong, we got married, settled down, had children.... OOPS my bad, I guess we should have just got straight to the kids and skipped the marriage part. What a joke. I am 100% for drug test in order to get welfare. I think something has to be done in order to make it fair for the people who are actually trying to make ends meet, for mom's who really need the help, for single mother's who didn't have a choice, for families who bust their humps and can't catch a break. Ok now I feel better, as scattered as that was, it made me feel better. Anywho... this summer has been extremely trying on our family, but we will overcome it, and we will be stronger then when we started. It's amazing, TJ and I have become so much closer this summer. Not as if we weren't close before, but I think we are a totally different level now. We laugh more, we joke more, we understand and listen more. It's crazy, I hear so much that money is the cause of many divorces, and money is only making us stronger, or lack of money I should say.
The kids are doing great. Of course they are, they are awesome. They are wild, but awesome. Emily starts kindergarten in August, which means in 29 days I will have a kindergartner. I cannot beleive how fast the last 5 years have went. My baby girl is now my big girl, my strong, independant, beautiful, smart, vibrant, loving, affectionate, sassy, funny big girl. She amazes me all the time, she loves learning and doing new things. I know she will love school, and I can't wait to hear about her first day. Colin, oh my Colin, he is my love bug. He is such a mommma's boy, it's scary. He is so crazy. He loves to laugh and make funny faces, he loves to tell stories, and his facial expressions are so dramatic. He is getting so big now. He talks up a storm, runs like a race car, rides bike, wrestles, digs for worms, plays with his tractors, everything a typical little boy does. He has no interest in pooping on the potty, but loves to pee outside. His smile lights up a room, his eyes melt your heart, his laugh is contagious. He is my buggy and I love him so much. I am one lucky momma to have the two children I have. I wouldn't trade them for the world.
I have to end this post, it's super late and I have an early morning tomorrow.

Randoms

I posted something on Facebook a few years ago, and I have wanted to post it again, see if anything changed. Here are 25 random facts about me. It is actually harder then I thought to come up with 25 random things, but I am going to try.
1. TJ and I have been together for almost 13 years, When I am 40 we will have been together more then half my life.
2. I think my children are beyond gorgeous, perfect, smart and extremely misbehaved LOL!
3. My siblings are my best friends. I talk to my brother daily and my sister several times a day.
4. My mom knows more about my personal life then most parents would care to know, but I talk to her about everything.
5. I miss my grandfather everyday, every minute. It has been 12 long years without him.
6. I am scared to send my daughter to kindergarten, I am afraid I won't be cool enough for her anymore.,
7. I long for another baby, but know deep down we are probably done with 2.
8. I have control issues that I can't seem to fix. I have tried and can't
9. My dream is to become a party planner (professionally). I love planning parties and watching them come to life. Weddings would be super cool.
10. I have no order when it comes to money. I am horrible with budgets and can't save money to save my life.
11. I kiss my children a gazillion times a day and tell them I love them even more. I don't ever want them to doubt my love.
12. I can't sleep when my bed is under a window.
13. I can't stand when there is laundry in the basket to be washed. I do laundry everyday so I don't see it.
14. I am obsessed with Facebook, it is almost my only adult interaction daily.
15. I am extremely overweight and can't seem to fix it. I have been trying and it is not working.
16. I don't blog nearly as much as I would like to.
17. I am so in love with my husband it sometimes hurts, in a good way.
18. I am from a family of alcoholics and don't drink much because I am scared of it.
19. I can't take Nyquil, It makes me sleep to hard.
20. I drive a 72 passenger school bus for a living, as much as I love my students, I HATE MY JOB.
21. I will talk to a complete stranger at the store if they seem friendly, TJ tells me I am too friendly.
22. I have no regrets from my past, other then money choices, and I beleive that my past is what makes me who I am today.
23. I consider on of my husbands ex-girlfriends, actually it's probably his first love, as one of my good friends. We don't speak in person, but on Facebook all the time and I value her opinion and enjoy reading her blog.
24. We bought a house 2 years ago, as much as I love my home, I miss renting. Owning is not all it's cracked up to be.
25. I have two best friends, neither of which have met each other, they are exact opposites in their personalities, have nothing in common, but I love them both dearly.

Spring Fever

Today is GORGEOUS! I wish so much that the yard wasn't covered in that ugly white stuff, the kids would love to get some fresh air and play outside. It's been so long since they have played outside. I hope the weather stays this way for a while. I know it's still winter, but I am ready for spring already. I am sick of the freezing cold and ice and snow.... I want chirping birds, sunshine and flowers.

I have not blogged about my weight loss because I am just disgusted with myself. I was doing so great, felt great and saw a difference, and then.... I lost my momentum. We all came down with a cold, sleep became a foreign event, life just went spiralling out of control. I haven't been on the elliptical in over a week, and I feel it. I am back to feeling frumpy, fat and just plain old lazy. I keep saying I am going to get right back to it, but it hasn't happened yet. TJ keeps bugging me and I just ignore him, so I vow on Sunday I will start back to my regimen and get right back on the horse. I am still determined to lose the weight. Luckily, I have not gained any weight since falling off, so that's a plus. Now I just have to lose more. It's very hard and frustrating, but I know I need to do it.

A Night Out!

TJ and I are going out tonight just the two of us. We desparately need some alone time and are both looking forward to it beyond words. We are going out to dinner, then out to have drinks with my parents (yes my parents, they have a more of a life then we do). I have been looking forward to tonight for a long time. I enjoy so much spending time with TJ. My goal for tonight is to not talk about the kids the whole time, I want to talk about us, life, friends, love, our future. I want to hold hands and sneak a kiss here and there, as if we were teenagers just starting this journey. I long for his utmost attention, and I love when I get it. I know it sounds selfish, but I never has his complete attention until the kids are in bed, by then we are both exhausted and ready for bed ourselves. The best part of dinner is it's free. Our neighbors, who are so super sweet, gave us a gift card to Red Lobster/Olive Garden. We share a driveway, and he had surgery a while back, but he is still casted. TJ promised them he would tend to the driveway in bad weather, as a show of their appreciation, we came home one night to a beautiful card and this generous gift. We are blessed to have such great neighbors, or atleast on that side LOL! I could live without our not-so-next door neighbor two doors the other way. Anyway... We are so grateful to be able to go out to dinner just the two of us and save money while doing it. Thank you so much Jim & Linda, it means a lot to us!

I posted a few days ago, and I think (actually I know) I may have not been clear as to who or what I was referring too. I guess if I am going to allow the public to read this I should be more careful how I word things and what I say. If I offended anyone with my post, I am sorry. I can honestly say, if you were offended by it then it was probably not aimed at you, because the people it was aimed at wouldn't care if I was talking about them, which is why I put the post. I also want to make the record clear for myself... friends, best friends, are who they are because of the things they do and how they care. I can say in my life I have had two true, honest, fabulous best friends, one I have a long, long history with, one has been more recent, but both are equally important for different reasons. I love both of them and I hope they both realize how much they mean to me. The statement that a true best friend could go for a long time without speaking or seeing each other, but pick right back up where it left off. That is how these ladies are. We could go for weeks without contact, but when we do finally contact each other it's just as if we spoke yesterday. That is the kind of friendship I have, and it works so well for us. We each have our own families, our own lives and need space, but when push comes to shove we are there. The interesting thing, they don't really know each other. The know of each other, but have never really met or spoke. They are two totally different people with two different lives. It's crazy to think how well I get along with two completely different people.

Emily chose her birthday theme... drum roll please.... Tinkerbell. Totally not what I thought she would choose. Actually her first choice was Justin Beiber and I was absolutely not doing that, so her second choice was Tinkerbell. I am so not ready for "Beiber Fever". We were looking online for decorations and stuff and she was so excited, I guess I better get a move on the party planning, it will be here too soon!

This post is so scrambled and out of order but I have so much on my mind that I am scattered. Colin is crying for his milk, but if I give it to him now he will be asleep in five minutes and our night out will be ruined by a little man stumbling down the stairs at 4am. Not an ideal night out, but I love when he cuddles in bed with us.


I am sitting here waiting on the sitter to get here and I am getting butterflies because I am so excited to be with TJ. After all these years he still gives me butterflies. Yay, she's here now. Enjoy your night, I will!