T minus 2 Hours!

In about two hours we will get to see our little guy or gal on the big screen again! This is our big 20 week ultrasound, which means so many things. It means that we are finally at the half way mark, it means that we may find out if we are having a girl or boy, it means that we will get to hear the heartbeat again, we will get to see this little peanut again! I am flooded with emotion and I am not sure why. I was never this emotional with the first two, and I don't know what to think. I am scared, anxious, nervous, excited, happy, the list goes on. I keep thinking something will be wrong, something out of my control. I keep thinking, because I wasn't overly excited at first, I will be punished for some reason. I think that I deep down inside long for another little girl, and they will tell me it's a boy. Don't get me wrong, I will be ecstatic for either as long as it is healthy and growing. Emily is not a "girly" girl, she is a tom-boy at heart, and I think that somewhere deep down I long for a "girly girl". I know it sounds crazy, and I am driving myself nuts with it. I mean Colin has a special place in my heart, there is just something special about a mom and her son. I would love to have that love again! See I am so scattered. I will post again later and hopefully have a great update and maybe even some pictures if I can figure out how to post them! LOL!