Bucket of nerves!

Not sure why I am so nervous about our ultrasound tomorrow, but I am. It's not as if we are really going to see amything, since it's still ao early. All we are going to learn is my due date, but my nerves won't subside. I am excited to see this little baby, this little heartbeat and for the first time really know i'm pregnant. I am excited that this will be my big Christmas present. I will post again after our appt. Pray for us!

Big Week!

We go for our ultrasound on Friday, yup the eve of Chriatmas Eve. I am beyond ecstatic. I knowbonce I see this little babby, and see a heartbeat, I will be over the moon. What an amazing Christmas present.. We havem't really told anyone else, a few random people, but I am anxious to tell the world. Part of me wanta to ahout it from the mountains, and the other part wants to enjoy this secret time as long as I can. If I have my calculationa right, I am about 7/8 weeks and am feeling every second of it. The aheer exhauation has set in, and I am getting these terrible stretching pains (which I don't remeber with the firat two). I have been having some moderate cramping which scares the bejeezes out of me. I know some discomfort is expected, but this is worse them I remember. I talked to my mid wife and she said it is very normal with a third pregnancy, my body knows the routine amd just jumps into position. I am trying my best to enjoy every second of this one, since we are more then certain we are done after this. We hace decided ro breast feed which is new rovua, never did it with the first two. I want tp experience that part, the bonding, and of course to s ave a little moolah! Here is to a week of waiting not so patiently and Santas arrival.

Already!

Symptoms that I wasn't expecting yet have taken over completely. My boobs hurt so bad, it brings teats to my eyes. I am now in a super tight sports bra 24/7. It's bad enough I cringe at showering, not only cause the bra has to come off, but the water make them hurt more. I don't remember this with the first two, atleast not this early. It doesn't help I have been battling a cold and sinus infection all week. I am so tired I can hardly funtion moat days. My patience ia as thin as it can be, and I feel horrible for my family, especially TJ. He is taking the bulk of housework, the primary care of the kids and lack of attention from me. Its gonna be a long couple of months. Two great things to look forward to, we get to see this little baby on Friday at our ultrasound, then we get to celebrate Christmas for three straight dasy. I hope I feel better by then.

Oh boy!

Now that the cat is out of the bag I feel the need to vent a bit. I AM SCARED OUT OF MY MIND! I was never this scared with my first two. I am scared of miscarriage, neglecting my first two, I may not be strong enough to endure pregnanc y again, the list goes on. I don't talk to anyone about it, maybe because I don't think they will understand, but I truly believe if I don't talk about it no bad can happen. I know crazy right... I am driving myself nuts.

Shout it out loud..

We have some big news and its killing me to keep it quiet. I figure not many people read blog, so I can talk about it on here. I have not announced it yet on facebook, and honestly not sure if and when I will. We found out on Thanksgiving that we are expecting baby #3. I have to admit at I wasn't as excited as I should/could have been. I think the initial shock and fact that it was unexpected took over, the fear and nerves set in, I found it hard to be excited. We haven't told many people, really only family and a few close friends. We had a doctors appt last week and an ultrasound, we go again on the 23rd to confirm due date and growth. If you do happen to read this, as excited as we really are, we aren't ready for the world to know yet. I feel so much better now!

Whirlwind....

I feel like my life is in a whirlwind and I can't get out. Most days are pretty good, but others are a complete disaster. My family is great, my marriage is great, my kids are great, but everything else is in shambles. I have let friendships go, not intentionally, just that I am not good at catching up, responding or keeping up with other people. I have let other things get in the way of moving forward and that needs to end. I find myself trying to "keep up with the Jones'" and that needs to stop. I need to learn and stick to me, my family and our home. I can no longer concern myself with things that do not directly affect me. I need to remember that: my children are perfect in everyway to me, they are adorable, sweet, loving, kind, happy and healthy; my marriage is amazing, beyond words; my husband, wow too much to say about him; my immediate family is awesome, beyond supportive (for the most part). That is all that matters.

Just Cause

I have so many things whirling around lately, big changes, little changes, growing kids, happy marriage, awesome family. I don't have much time to post, but I will do my best.

I can honestly say, I am no longer a bus driver. I quit, kind of, and I am pretty happy about it, yet scared to death. They do not have a run for me, so I am on a "waiting list", ha ha, yeah right?!?! I started a new part-time job at the Y, as a swim instructor and I love it. I like the kids, the environment, the schedule. While teaching swim, I, in a manner of speaking, feel on top of another position. I am now the office Youth and Teen Coordinator. So now I have two positions, both of which I love love love. I can't wait to see what the future holds.

The kids are pretty awesome. They are still growing, still fun, still cute. Emmily started kindergarten in August, and she is in love. She does so great, she has made lots of friends and looks forward to going each day. Colin misses her terribly, but we survive. He was lost the first few days, maybe a week or so, but we have adjusted and he is becoming far more independant. We have been pondering a #3, yikes, I said it out loud. There are so many reasons to just do it, and so many not too. We both agreed a long, long time ago, three was our number, but after Colin, we didn't feel the rush to do it again. We really enjoy having two kids, but we both long for just one more. One more little baby. See we were both convinced we were having three, we never enjoyed the last pregnancy, infant stage... the way we should have. We never thought that having a third would be such a hard decision. The hardest part is, it is now or never. I don't want to wait 5 years and start over. right now, if we did it, there would be 4 years between Colin and baby, which is a lot more then we planned but not too bad. I don't want much more in there. Ok, enough about that! LOL!

TJ and I just celebrated 7 years married, 13 years together. HOLY MOLY! That is a long time, but honestly it doesn't feel that long. We are still so in love, just like it was yesterday. I am so proud of my husband, he is such an all around amazing man. I love him in ways I never thought I could love!

I am running out of time, so this will be scattered a bit. We did a fundraiser for my neice, who has CF. This was the second annual, and it was amazing. we raised over $5k to donate to the CF Foundations. Amazing. Christmas is so close, and we have done nothing. I think we are going to try to start shopping soon. We have to get it done, as much as we dread it. I turn "30" in November, and I am not sure how I feel about it. I am not sad to be 30, it's actually kind of exciting, but I am not so excited. I know it doesn't make sense. I have always wanted a big party for my 30th, but I don't think that will be happening. Times are tough, and money is tight for everyone. I guess this year will just be us, celebrating, which is totally fine with me. The weather is changing and I am completely in love with it. The crisp cool mornings, the cool breeze in the afternoon, the earlier sunsets. I love fall. I could live without all the rain we have had, but it nature, can't stop it.

Ok, I am officially over my time limit. I will try, ha ha, to write again soon!